Or at least some of them. It's been such a weird 2 weeks. Garrett popped up from the grey mists, needing a friend and the chance to recollect himself. I have to wonder if this is a twist of fate or the Universe giving me my answers finally. After Tony there was Cameron. I didn't love either any less though it all happened so fast but I let them become my life and completely consume my heart, leaving nothing for myself. Garrett is the first male that has been "just" a friend near me, in what feels like a lifetime. Even Dave always wants more, it's never unconditional.
This has given me the moment that I needed to pause and think. To reflect and center myself again. I don't need anyone in my Universe to be my partner, I can do it on my own. I've begun to heal and it feels good to actually feel again.
I had my Christmas party this weekend. Thought about not doing it this year because my holidays were so much more poignant because of Cameron last year. But I sucked it up and had the party and do you know what happened? I laughed. I laughed, I joked, I played with my friends for the first time in months and it was the most amazing feeling in the world. The hole in my heart isn't mended by a long shot but it began to mend itself. Having Garrett crashing on the couch, going through what I am going through and not asking anything of me, just accepting and talking has created an atmosphere of tranquility and healing that was much needed.
I can love you and I can miss you but you are no longer part of my path and now I can let you go.
This has given me the moment that I needed to pause and think. To reflect and center myself again. I don't need anyone in my Universe to be my partner, I can do it on my own. I've begun to heal and it feels good to actually feel again.
I had my Christmas party this weekend. Thought about not doing it this year because my holidays were so much more poignant because of Cameron last year. But I sucked it up and had the party and do you know what happened? I laughed. I laughed, I joked, I played with my friends for the first time in months and it was the most amazing feeling in the world. The hole in my heart isn't mended by a long shot but it began to mend itself. Having Garrett crashing on the couch, going through what I am going through and not asking anything of me, just accepting and talking has created an atmosphere of tranquility and healing that was much needed.
I can love you and I can miss you but you are no longer part of my path and now I can let you go.
