Monday, October 24, 2011
Chaos and Candy: Quitting smoking, My Views On Addiction
Chaos and Candy: Quitting smoking, My Views On Addiction: I know, I know, supposed to keep this strictly non-personal and personal over in the "Hearts" section! However, thinking you might enjoy thi...
Chaos and Candy: Quitting smoking, My Views On Addiction
Chaos and Candy: Quitting smoking, My Views On Addiction: I know, I know, supposed to keep this strictly non-personal and personal over in the "Hearts" section! However, thinking you might enjoy thi...
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Changes to Chaos and Candy Hearts
Faithful Readers it would seem that we have a couple of snakes in our otherwise tranquil grass. I have been forced to change the settings on this and my Chaos and Candy Hearts page to block all comments from being posted to these pages. I did not want to make these changes, to me it's censorship. Chaos and Candy is a place for me to write my social commentary on the news and world around me as I see it. I always have enjoyed opposing views to mine because it means someone is awake and paying attention! Chaos and Candy Hearts is my personal blog, more like a diary. Sometimes, because this blog is more widely read, my personal life spills on to these pages instead. I usually try to apologize and explain on the rare occasion that this happens.
Unfortunately people that have been removed from my personal life have felt the need to attack me online. And one of their favorite places to attack me is on the comments section of my blog. Leaving comments that either make no sense at all or are attempting to make me react in a negative manner by putting half truths about my life on display.
Here is the cold hard truth, you were removed from my personal life, you were removed and blocked from my cyber life on all levels, now you are blocked from attacking me on a page for politics and news. I have not attacked you in any way shape or form here or in real life, you are acting out of jealousy because I never attacked you I simply erased you. I erased everything that proved at one point you existed in BEX Universe and I moved on never acknowledging that you EVER existed on this planet.
Now I apologize to you, Faithful Readers. Unfortunately a couple of knuckle dragging, mouth breathers have upset the balance that we have. However Bex, with you along side will prevail!
Till Next Time Faithful Readers!!!!!!
BEX
Unfortunately people that have been removed from my personal life have felt the need to attack me online. And one of their favorite places to attack me is on the comments section of my blog. Leaving comments that either make no sense at all or are attempting to make me react in a negative manner by putting half truths about my life on display.
Here is the cold hard truth, you were removed from my personal life, you were removed and blocked from my cyber life on all levels, now you are blocked from attacking me on a page for politics and news. I have not attacked you in any way shape or form here or in real life, you are acting out of jealousy because I never attacked you I simply erased you. I erased everything that proved at one point you existed in BEX Universe and I moved on never acknowledging that you EVER existed on this planet.
Now I apologize to you, Faithful Readers. Unfortunately a couple of knuckle dragging, mouth breathers have upset the balance that we have. However Bex, with you along side will prevail!
Till Next Time Faithful Readers!!!!!!
BEX
Sunday, October 16, 2011
My Mom, My Uncles, My Hero's, My Family
Last night, Saturday, my uncles both sons and myself went to a meeting with my mom. She is a recovering addict and last night was her 1 year sober celebration. My uncle received his fob for 90 days sober. And my mom was presented with her 1 year coin by my other Uncle that has been sober for years now.
Now Faithful Readers, you know very well my opinion on addiction. I've never been quiet about how I feel on the topic of addiction and addicts. I still hold firm on those beliefs and my opinions. However, for the past year I have watched my Marmee (it's a pet name that I use for my mom from the book Little Women) struggle day to day and it has been a hell of a fight for her physically and emotionally. But it's not always a fight. Everyday for 365, I've watched her grow into a beautiful, self reliant, self assured woman that loves herself for the first time in decades. I can not express the pride, love that I have for my mother and my uncles. They are my heroes for what they have overcome. I do not have the words that will correctly express my admiration, pride in my family, complete and unconditional love for these three heroes. Most of all My Marmee. Our relationship has been tough but we've always loved each other and when times have been tough we've been there for each other. For the first time in my life, Saturday October 15th 2011, I looked up to my mother, was inspired by her. On that day she became my hero and nothing will ever change that from this point forward. Gale, Marmee, I love you, I'm proud of you and I will buy you your own super hero costume complete with a pink cape! You are a beautiful woman inside and out and I have faith that you will continue to follow the path that God has illuminated for you.
My Uncle received his fob for months sober also last night. You may shrug it off as just a couple months but if you knew him, you'd know that this is a massive occasion. In my 36 years I am hard pressed to remember him sober. He's always been a good man, one of my favorite people in my life and one of my favorite uncles. He has always had a pure soul and a giving nature, he'd give the shirt off his back if you needed it even if it was his only shirt. He's always been there for me and my sons and would never let any harm come to us. I've always looked up to and idolized my Mom's brothers, those 4 men have played a huge role in my life. They helped raise me , taught me, read to me, took care of me when I needed it. Last night, watching him receive that fob, I cried for the accomplishments that he's made to better his life in just a few months and for the man that he is becoming, I cried tears of joy and happiness, pride and love. I cried because he's doing what so many never thought he could do. I know you can do it, and if you ever need help I am here no matter what.
I'm proud of all of them, I love them. They are my family and they win a war every day one day at a time. If you have someone in recovery in your life, you fight with them, you love them and if they fall down you pick them up and walk side by side with them down that road.
Together.
Rebecca D. Harrington-Van Marter
Now Faithful Readers, you know very well my opinion on addiction. I've never been quiet about how I feel on the topic of addiction and addicts. I still hold firm on those beliefs and my opinions. However, for the past year I have watched my Marmee (it's a pet name that I use for my mom from the book Little Women) struggle day to day and it has been a hell of a fight for her physically and emotionally. But it's not always a fight. Everyday for 365, I've watched her grow into a beautiful, self reliant, self assured woman that loves herself for the first time in decades. I can not express the pride, love that I have for my mother and my uncles. They are my heroes for what they have overcome. I do not have the words that will correctly express my admiration, pride in my family, complete and unconditional love for these three heroes. Most of all My Marmee. Our relationship has been tough but we've always loved each other and when times have been tough we've been there for each other. For the first time in my life, Saturday October 15th 2011, I looked up to my mother, was inspired by her. On that day she became my hero and nothing will ever change that from this point forward. Gale, Marmee, I love you, I'm proud of you and I will buy you your own super hero costume complete with a pink cape! You are a beautiful woman inside and out and I have faith that you will continue to follow the path that God has illuminated for you.
My Uncle received his fob for months sober also last night. You may shrug it off as just a couple months but if you knew him, you'd know that this is a massive occasion. In my 36 years I am hard pressed to remember him sober. He's always been a good man, one of my favorite people in my life and one of my favorite uncles. He has always had a pure soul and a giving nature, he'd give the shirt off his back if you needed it even if it was his only shirt. He's always been there for me and my sons and would never let any harm come to us. I've always looked up to and idolized my Mom's brothers, those 4 men have played a huge role in my life. They helped raise me , taught me, read to me, took care of me when I needed it. Last night, watching him receive that fob, I cried for the accomplishments that he's made to better his life in just a few months and for the man that he is becoming, I cried tears of joy and happiness, pride and love. I cried because he's doing what so many never thought he could do. I know you can do it, and if you ever need help I am here no matter what.
I'm proud of all of them, I love them. They are my family and they win a war every day one day at a time. If you have someone in recovery in your life, you fight with them, you love them and if they fall down you pick them up and walk side by side with them down that road.
Together.
Rebecca D. Harrington-Van Marter
Monday, October 3, 2011
New beginnings and leaving the past behind
In the past month I've been arrested for the second time in 5 months, had 2 family members die, attempted to help someone and had it blow up in my face, ended 2 friendships that I thought were up to my standards of loyalty and honor, had to change my phone number and move to get away from bad people and situations, struggled to find the finances to do so, missed my best friends wedding due to all of this and been to court twice. That's just the bare jist of what's happened in the past 30 days. Needless to say my stress levels have been through the atmosphere. But I've gotten through it, I've pulled up my boot straps, sucked it up and survived it all. Not without my share of battle scars but hey who doesn't dig scars, right? The hardest is yet to come though. My rock through all of this has been Cameron. Cam has been my friend, my stability, my voice of reason and so much more that I can't even find the words. However his path leads him elsewhere and he will be leaving this week to return home to Michigan. Yes it's selfish but the idea of him leaving crushes me and I wish there were a way that he would stay. After so much loss in the past month I just don't want another to be gone from my life. As with so many others, there will be phone calls and emails and text messages but it isn't the same as having him here. There are already too many in my life seperated by distance. I feel so much more complete with him here that to have that taken away saddens me to the very core of my being. He say's that I'm strong enough to get through it but I have my doubts. And to be honest, all the changes that have taken place, I've had to accomplish on my own because Dave stayed drunk for 3 weeks and didn't do shit to help except to come up with half the Verizon deposit money. I did everything on my own and he said the same damn thing "Your strong enough to handle it" Well check it out people, I'M FUCKING TIRED OF BEING THE "STRONG ONE". I'm always the one to handle whatever pops up, always the one to help out as much as I can. Again as selfish as this sounds, I don't want to be the strong one anymore. I want to curl up in your lap and know that there is a life partner that will share the burdens, the happy moments, everything with me. I don't want to keep carrying all of it on my shoulders anymore.
This move has given me the opportunity to start fresh and put things and my life back into perspective and I fully intend to take advantage of that, just wish i didn't have to do it alone.
Don't get me wrong I am happy that all the bullshit has happened to me and opened my eye's to what needs to happen but it has also created a very lonely new beginning. And after all that's happened I'm uncertain as to who my real friends are anymore. So that leaves no one to lean on when times get tough.
New beginnings and leaving the past behind, forward movement and no looking back. Sounds easy, doesn't it?
Becky
This move has given me the opportunity to start fresh and put things and my life back into perspective and I fully intend to take advantage of that, just wish i didn't have to do it alone.
Don't get me wrong I am happy that all the bullshit has happened to me and opened my eye's to what needs to happen but it has also created a very lonely new beginning. And after all that's happened I'm uncertain as to who my real friends are anymore. So that leaves no one to lean on when times get tough.
New beginnings and leaving the past behind, forward movement and no looking back. Sounds easy, doesn't it?
Becky
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