Have had the best days :)

Oh my goodness the past week has been amazing!! Bill is an awesome man in every way possible! He's taken me shopping, gotten me presents that mean so much to me. We've gone to diner's and had awesome breakfasts, explored cool places that I had never heard of, of course he's taken me shopping, spent a day curled up watching tv together, had drinks with our friends. It's just been one beautiful moment after the next. I hope it never ends because there is nothing that I love more than getting lost in his beautiful blue eyes and feeling so safe and warm next to him every night. It's magical when I am around him, feels like the most incredible dream that I hope I never wake up from.

Becky

What a great day :)

Bill and I spent the day having adventures :) Took him to MOST for his first time, played like a couple of kids, had lunch at Johnny Rockets and then did some shopping. He bought me a beautiful geode from MOST, it's my shade of pink. I didn't realize that he bought it and some time later in the afternoon he surprised me with it, too cool. Showed him where I grew up and in between destinations we took the long way and just enjoyed time together, it was really nice. It's nice to have a man that's independent and takes the time to notice little things about me enough to get me something as simple as a pink geode, it's nice to have someone want to take care of me. I like this :)\

Becky

So this is what happy feels like

It's been so long since I've been this completely happy. It really is true what they say, sometimes when you stop looking you find exactly what you were looking for in the least expected place. Yesterday started out as any other day. Had a job interview and Maverick was kind enough to take me. We got so caught up in the beautiful day that we went to the park, we explored the lake, we drove around aimlessly just talking. We had a great night, beers and laughs with our friends, a truly horrible game of darts lol! We laid in bed and talked all night until he had to leave for New Jersey. Tonight I'm going to dinner with Mel and Dave. A really cool Mexican restaurant that has amazing margarita's and then to my favorite little local pub. Tomorrow I get my Maverick back and we've already made some killer plans to have serious amounts of fun this week. I'm easy breezy and truly happy.

Becky

Beautiful dayz

It's been so nice outside! Yesterday I went on a three hour walk to nowhere in particular, just exploring the area where I live. It was pretty awesome. Today I have a job interview with a company that seems like a really good fit for me and I'm jazzed about it :) And to put the cherry on top of that sundae, Beautiful Bill is taking me to the interview and then we are hanging out after. The boy is going to grandma's for the weekend, so that free's me up to do whatever I wish for the next 3 days! Life is feeling pretty good today!

Becky

aaahhh, it worked!

I hate having my world invaded by morons. Especially when these morons Know me in reality and are such a waste of oxygen that they have been removed from my world. It's bad enough that this idiot wouldn't leave me alone in the real world but then the mouth breather had to start stalking my blog! Exactly what was the King of Douch Bagastaan trying to find???

Anyway's, that is in the past :) Thankfully the revelation that the traffic URL for his phone shows up in my stats bar has deterred him from further stalking! This makes me joyously happy, HOORAY!!!

The freedom of that is awesome, I feel like I can breathe again. A huge weight has been lifted and the sky's have cleared! What a great feeling!!

Goodbye mistakes in judgement, hello bright shiny future :)

Bex

It's so quiet...

So, my roommate started his job and the boy went back to school. I had forgotten how quiet the house is when everyone is gone for an extended period of time! It's kind of disconcerting. I'm going to have to do allot of writing to keep me busy but I'll finally have the "Me" time that I've been needing :)

Now I'm kinda jazzed about this!!

Bex

You should probably know....

......that the Traffic URL from your cell phone shows up on my stats page with your phone number and zip code. AT&T is awesome like that. Just ask Brian, he's seen it ya fucking moron. And that last blog has absolutely nothing to do with you, you crazy fuck! You are the one mistake in my life that I truly fucking regret. I should have seen through your lying and seen you for what you really are, a pathetic, psychotic, bi-polar, lying, twisted, dishonorable, disloyal, mentally and emotionally unhinged human being. And if there was a God that existed he would have made damn sure you ceased breathing and were never allowed to breed to cease the vicious cycle of  Serial-Stupidity that you seem to think is normal human behavior. So go crawl back to Douche Bagastaan where you are King Douche Bag, there is nothing on either of these blogs that require your steadfast attention, Jackass W. Fucknuts. You need not keep pursuing my world, I revoked your invitation!

Sincerely, with all of my heart, in hopes that you grow some balls and fall off that cliff,

Rebecca D. Van Marter-Ragsdale (BEX)

Stuck in my head

Your stuck in my head like a song and I can't seem to get you out. I want to call you and tell you to come home to me, I want to see you walking down my side walk, I want to see your smile. I need you to know that I never stopped loving you, That everything that's missing in my life is held in the piece of my heart that you took with you, That the key does me no good because you took the heart that it belongs too, that the vibrant colors of my world have been shades and shadows since you've been gone. I don't care about the past and I don't care what's happened since, I just know that I need to tell you to come home. Nothing and no one has taken your place, it will always be your place at my side.

:) 13

It's Friday the 13th! 13 is my lucky number! I have a good feeling about today, hopeful and happy despite a massive lack of actual sleep. Yeah, today is gonna be a good day. Watched the sunrise and experienced  the peace that it always instills in me deep inside. "Goddamn Right It's A Beautiful Day!"

Happy 13 to you all :)

Becky

A little faith

So been feeling a little down because everything has been a little chaotic in the past few months. Having caught a cold on my Birthday has forced me to be still for 3 days and do allot of thinking. Here's what I think; My life, for whatever reason, has always been and always will be complicated. I'm strangely okay with it because so far this rule in my Universe has weeded out the crazy, bipolar, unfaithful, disloyal, dishonorable assholes that I manage to cross paths with! So there is a huge plus side to my unconventional life! Everything eventually works out in my world, it just always takes the random round-about way to get to the working out part. It's an adventure and you can't take just the good parts of the adventure and leave the bad, you have to accept the whole adventure.

Yeah, I'm good with me, my unconventional life.

Becky

I've never felt so sad in all of my life.

Lying

It's no secret, I hate liars. I cannot abide a lie. I can understand a little white lie that saves someone's feelings from being hurt such as: "No honey, you do not look fat in that dress!" even though personally I'd rather know that I look fat in that dress. No we aren't talking about those little lies we tell to protect someone else. We are talking about lies that are told because there is a need for attention or for acceptance. You want everyone's focus to be on you constantly and when it's not on you, a great big huge lie is told to make it all about you again. 3 big fat, not even close to the truth, humongous lies all to gather sympathy for yourself. I am disgusted, literally sick to my stomach ill at the one bold face lie because it involved a service member. A buddy forwarded it to me asking about the details. Made me so sick that someone would lie about such a thing after having personally lost friends in the Military, I forwarded it to a couple friends in the box and they confirmed the bullshit of it that I already knew. Needless to say, they are as unhappy as I am at this very untrue boast of loss. Then my same friend sent me 2 more asking me about the validity of a story and where I really just want to be left out of all this I have to admit that certain conflicting details piqued my curiosity so I pulled a Scooby. Nope, once again almost 98% of the story is false.

Again, I do not want to be involved AT ALL in this world where lies, deceit, drugs, alcohol, violence, delusion, and psychological imbalance are all the prevalent qualities. I have since expressed to my friend to stop reporting things to me and pretend that I never knew this person and that none of it existed, please and thank you!

In general it just makes me sick that some people are so rampantly insecure with who they really are that they have to create a personality based on lies to get the attention that they crave because they're were ignored as children and abused. It's no excuse in my mind. Your childhood sucked, get over it. You want people to like and accept you? Try being your real self and be an honorable, loyal, truthful person. When you choose to be a liar, people don't love you for who you are, they love you for what you can give them and when you run out of things to give them they turn they're backs on you because they were never true friends to begin with. There will always be people in the world that either like you or don't like you and I have always lived by "I'd rather you hate me for telling you the truth than disrespect you with a lie" Once you tell a lie, there's no going back. You have to tell another to support the first lie than another and another until your whole life is just a big spiral of lying. I will never understand the mind of a pathological liar. I will never understand how one person can completely destroy their own soul so devastatingly instead of fixing their problems and moving on in a peaceful healthy manner. I just don't get it and I hope I never do.

I'd rather just be me and have people like me or hate me based on me not based on a fairytale that I made up. Hate me or love me but I will always be 100% honest, I will never cheat, steal or lie, I will never be unfaithful or disloyal and I will never break my word. Hate me for that, hate me because you just generally don't like my personality, appearance, taste in music, etc. But you'll never be able to hate me for being a fake or a liar and I'm fine with that.

Becky