Changing my stars

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my luck and my stars have changed. Since Saturday life has been allot cheerier place :) We'll see I suppose. But for now I am content and I'm just going to continue to be easy breezy because there is absolutely no point in stressing about things that I can not control, nor do I want to control. I'm smiling right now and that is all that matters :)

Bex

Partners

We talked for 2 days. We chose to walk this path together, again. I dislike that you did not talk to me about what you were going through, that you chose to cut me off for 2 days and chose to go through it alone. That's not fair. You got on my case for not using the words "Our Life" but chose to cut me out of Our life when things got tough on you. I'm here, for better or worse, I will stand by your side and fight the world but you have to let me! You can't choose what parts I see and which I don't, I love you. Not just pieces of you, the whole you. Did you think that knowing you were having problems would frighten me off in some way? Everyone has problems, some worse, some better. I resent that you didn't trust me and believe in our or my love enough to lean on me when you needed to. We are partners, together. If we are going to overcome obstacles than we need to do it like we should be doing all things...together. I hope this is just a glitch because I already lost you once and I don't want to again.

B 

Too too too much

Once I make a decision, then I'm okay. It's deciding what the best course of action is that always gets me. I over think everything and I spend entirely too much time in my head by the time I'm done with the thought process, my opportunity to act has usually passed me by. There are entirely too many things happening around me and too me that I have had no control over and to be honest, the times that I should have stepped up and done something, I didn't. I let it slide. Because believe it or not, I am not as confrontational as you might think. Staying in this endless cycle is just going to keep me running in place. I can't do that anymore and I can't keep taking care of other people and I can't keep putting myself out there financially and emotionally because someone else is unhappy. I hate it when the people around me aren't happy so I always do whatever I can to make certain they become happy. Usually to my own end. I have to do something now and I have to stand by my decision. Once it's done it needs to stay done. I've chosen the course of action and now it's time to snag that opportunity to act.

Becky

Allot of things change

It's been almost a month since my last post here in Hearts, mostly because I've been uncertain about my own. Allot has changed and then there is allot that is history repeating itself. And then there is a piece of history returned to me that makes me hopeful. I don't think that this Summer is going to be as anyone once had hopes for but I do believe it will be the end of an era and the beginning of a future. Then again, I have been known to be wrong so I guess it is up to the Gods and we shall see. 

So happy that I have everything that I have in my life

Bill just left to go work in the Southern Tier for the next few days, Having dinner with my mom, roommate and son tonight then chilling in front of my Sunday night shows. It may sound boring and mundane to some however, thanks to a friends big mouth and a little "Scooby" time I've discovered how very thankful I am for EVERYTHING in my life. It may seem like small time but this is my apartment and it's paid for, no one has to be here that I don't want to be here. It is MY space. My bills are ALL paid for by ME, not my parents not my friends, me. I own everything in this apartment, I don't split it with anyone, I and I alone own it. I was the one that bought it, no one bought it for me.

What I am truly in my heart and soul completely grateful and thankful for is my friends and family. My best friend lives with me, I have but to go in the other room to cry on his shoulder, laugh by his side or crack an ice cold beer on the front porch with him. I just have to throw a text out there and 30 people are in my living room laughing and having a blast. The last time I had a bad time in life I had a living room full of shoulders to cry on and they went through it all with me one step at a time.

My family. My dad is a phone call away no matter what time it is. My mom is out here with us every other weekend. My uncle's, I just have to call. My sons' are becoming beautiful men and though we may not get along all the time I love them more than my own life, whether they know it or not. I am proud of them.

Bill is one of the most beautiful souls that I have ever met. And I can't say that he is my "Jack" yet but I'm hoping. He is a wonderful, loving, fun, funny, exciting, adventurous, affectionate, caring man. Everything I wanted and didn't know to ask for. I love him with all that I am.

So happy that I have everything that I have in my life and don't have to create make believe friends and steal photo's of internet websites to pretend that I have a good life, I'm blessed to have a REAL life.

Becky

:(

Just got the news that Bill has to leave tonight for work and won't be back till wednesday. Going to miss him terribly but have had a really good weekend with him!! We've had so much fun and nice, sweet times. Can't wait till wednesday!!!!

Bec

*Sigh*

Because I've been so negligent, my blood sugar levels have been really wonky lately. And I keep getting sick because it's compromising my immune system, this always happens when I ignore what my body is trying to tell me. Sinus infections, chest infections, bladder infections, they all take advantage when I'm like this because I generally don't get sick except a cold every 2-3 years. Needless to say, of course I got sick this week. Now normally I wouldn't be excited about being in pain and sick but something happened that made me smile through all of it. See because of my past 2 experiences it's jaded me slightly towards relationships and of course it's only been a year since I began dating so.....yeah, I expected Bill to see me sick and turn tail while yelling for me to call when I'm better, LOL.

Didn't happen. He stayed by me, took me to the doctor, bought my medicine, ordered dinner so that I wouldn't have to cook, rubbed my back and never left my side for a moment :)

He's everything I could ever want and more.

Becky <3