Haven't felt good in a few days so it has given me time to think allot. The most recent event has and had nothing to do with me personally. Dude's family and friends have all said that this type of behavior is nothing new and has happened in the past. I just happened to be the one it occurred to this time. It makes me sad that he's felt the need to attack me and it makes me sadder that he wasn't the man I fell in love with, that he kept secrets and blatantly lied to me. He could have told me the truth about his pregnant girlfriend, he could have told me the truth about everything and anything but he disrespected me by lying. That hurts my heart. It hurt my heart because even as his Mother and the other woman were both telling me the truth he was on the other line, lying to me. It hurts because he lied but for some reason feels the need to attempt to find some dirt on me using people that got kicked out of my house for drug use, using common knowledge that he already knew and that everyone knows. Yes my mom was on crack, yes that's why mom and her boyfriend Dave got kicked out of my home also. My mom dumped Dave and has been clean for 17 months. So what??? Everyone knows this, I told him this but he can't even get his story straight because he thought it was my buddy Dave that the addict was telling him about not my stepdad. Why send me threatening text messages, why try to attack me at all?? He did things that he knew would end us, he knew how I felt about lying and cheating. So to me, he did it knowingly. Why not just leave me alone? Why keep texting at 2 am? You made your choice, live with it. There's no going back no matter how much it hurts my heart it is over and it's in the past.
Unfortunately I was mad when he popped into my life, I acted on very skewed emotions and because I acted out on those feelings, I hurt Matt. I did it and I have to live with that. Thankfully, Matt is a good enough person to have given me the chance to apologize and still be my friend. Losing a friend of many years would have hurt more than anything else because I never say goodbye to people, they just become a different aspect in my life. I still regret letting him come between Matt and I but again, I have to live with that and get over it.
I've decided that all of this is a lesson to be learned. Changes have to be made in my life to get it back on track. It sounds selfish but I have to get back to living my life for me and not for the people around me. I can't look back on the past, I have to look towards the future because I'm moving forward. There's allot of hurt feelings in the past but allot of happiness awaiting me in the future! Cheers to the future!!!
Bex <3
Unfortunately I was mad when he popped into my life, I acted on very skewed emotions and because I acted out on those feelings, I hurt Matt. I did it and I have to live with that. Thankfully, Matt is a good enough person to have given me the chance to apologize and still be my friend. Losing a friend of many years would have hurt more than anything else because I never say goodbye to people, they just become a different aspect in my life. I still regret letting him come between Matt and I but again, I have to live with that and get over it.
I've decided that all of this is a lesson to be learned. Changes have to be made in my life to get it back on track. It sounds selfish but I have to get back to living my life for me and not for the people around me. I can't look back on the past, I have to look towards the future because I'm moving forward. There's allot of hurt feelings in the past but allot of happiness awaiting me in the future! Cheers to the future!!!
Bex <3
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