There are little things

There are so many little things that he does that make me happy. This morning there was coffee when I woke up, he knew that I didn't feel well so he kept everyone away from me, he called me on his break, last night he took care of all the dirty dishes and this morning emptied the dishwasher. I know that he thinks these are minor things that are insignificant but to me it's the thought that counts. And I truly believe whether consciously or not he does these things because he loves me.

My dad and I had a long discussion about this. I'm so use to being in an emotional climate that it doesn't dawn on me that not everyone has been exposed to an open emotional environment. Our family was always a very open family, we were all very close, if we had something to say than we said it and if we felt something we expressed it. Not all families are close and I never thought of it that way. I just figured he was broken by so many years of hard living, which I still believe in a way but now I realize the distance and emotional denial are just because he's not use to the same environment as I am. It would be blissful if we could find a happy middle ground to thrive on but I think that will take some time.

I still have those days of debilitating self doubt and insecurity. I'm trying to control that but it's proving difficult because I'm not use to having to word myself carefully and I am without a doubt probably the worst person at communicating. Not to mention the fact that you throw someone that's over emotional into close proximity of an unemotional person or emotionally closed off person and yeah, there are clashes. Big huge personality clashes.

The above times are becoming fewer as time goes on. Recently there have been more times where he looks at me or touches me and I know, just know absolutely no doubts that he is in love with me. I've found that these moments mean more to me than if he were to actually say the words. I think anyone can say I love you and not mean it but to make someone know that you love them with just a look, that means more than any words he could say to me. I am completely happy in those moments and could spend forever in the memory of them if not in them at the time.

In one hour my baby will be coming home from work and he will come in and watch the rest of the Yankees game with me and my world will be at peace and complete. Feels like forever until then,

Becky