Everything is so lost right now. My head, my heart, everything is just blind confusion. I'm depressed enough to sit on this couch and not want to move but not angry enough to do anything. Just want to sit here and cry and wonder what just happened. You can't tell me that you love me the same day that you pack your things and walk out on me without a moments notice. You can't take the key to all that I am and wear that around your neck after you've crushed and destroyed all that I am.
You can't hope that all will be alright when you took what was right and threw it away like a used napkin. Considering your past, I never would have thought that you'd do the same exact thing. I never thought that you'd cause that amount of hurt to another person after seeing first hand how much it can hurt someone.
And you belittle my feelings by leaving a damn sweatshirt. That was supposed to make me feel better? That's what I needed, another constant reminder that all I dreamed for us was bullshit? That everything you said to me was bullshit? If telling someone that you love them and then walking out on them an hour later is your idea of a clean break, you were wrong. There was nothing clean about it. You should've talked to me, you should have faced your decision and been man enough to explain it. Instead you just ran away. You broke my heart, crushed my dreams, broke my home and ran away without a look back.
Now. Now there is nothing. This was our home together and now it is empty. It doesn't feel like home anymore, it feels like an apartment with furnishings and the memory of a home.
Now. Now I sit here with the knowledge that I wasn't good enough for you. That the love I thought I had was a lie. That all of the good times were just a cover for your plan to leave.
I sit here staring out of the window, crying because I love you so much and with all that I am to do anything for you. And you loved me so little that you left.
I am now truly the broken girl that I never wanted to be. You said that I was strong enough to get over this but did you ever stop to think that it would completely destroy all of my strength, did you ever consider that I would believe in your love so thoroughly that finding out it was a lie would break me completely? I may have been strong enough a month, 2 months ago but now I don't have the strength to care about taking a shower, eating, sleeping. My strength, my heart, all of it you took with you and left me with nothing.
I want my key back so that I can destroy it.
Becky
