Yes and No

Yes, I know that Cam's not going to come back.
No, I don't accept that.
Yes, I know he'll never be a part of my life again.
No, I do not want it that way even if it is the only way.


Yes and no. It's all just a massive conflict. Everything is a conflict. Nothing has an easy option. I'd like to be Tony's friend but there's too much animosity.

I'd like Brian to see how much I've accomplished for him and Ian and for once appreciate it but there's too much negativity in him and I'm his only target to lash out at.

Yes I want to go back to florida.
No I can't do it on my own.

Yes I want what I had a month ago,
No I'll never have it again.

Why can't everything just be simple black and white? Lines drawn, no grey area, why can't it just "be"? Never can wrap my head around conflict, it makes no sense to me, on any level and never has. To me, everything either is or it isn't. Your happy or your in love, you don't do things that will destroy that. If your not happy, fine make a change but don't do it at someone else's expense.

I don't know. No amount of this circular thinking makes it any more clear to me.